Trump Absent-Mindedly Snacks On Constitution

In a bizarre and slightly unsettling turn of events, former President Donald Trump was spotted earlier today absent-mindedly nibbling on a copy of the U.S. Constitution. Witnesses say it all started innocently enough with the former president casually walking through his office, munching on what appeared to be a snack. What happened next, however, has left many both confused and amused.

“I thought he was just munching on some crackers or maybe a sandwich,” said one of Trump’s aides, who requested to remain anonymous for fear of getting caught up in the chaos. “But then I realized, that’s not a snack… that’s a piece of American history!”

According to sources, Trump was in the middle of a Zoom call discussing foreign policy when he began absent-mindedly flipping through the Constitution, which was lying on his desk. At first, he just turned the pages, possibly looking for a crossword puzzle or maybe even some inspiration for a tweet. But moments later, he apparently mistook the historical document for something more… edible.

“He was just sitting there, casually taking bites out of it like it was a stale bagel,” another insider commented. “It wasn’t until the Declaration of Independence was half-chewed that someone realized what was going on.”

Experts say this mishap highlights a growing trend of historical ignorance among certain public figures, though some remain skeptical. “I mean, we’ve all been guilty of mindlessly snacking on something during a conference call,” said a constitutional scholar. “But when you’re chewing on the foundational document of the United States, it does raise some serious questions about snack choices.”

Trump himself seemed completely unaware of the uproar his snack choice caused. “I was just reading up on some great articles,” he reportedly quipped, referring to the Articles of Confederation, though his response left most in the room questioning whether he even knew what he was talking about.

Legal experts have weighed in on the incident, suggesting that while eating the Constitution may be a rather unusual form of protest, it might not be entirely illegal—though it certainly raises questions about the sanctity of historical documents and whether it violates any unspoken “snack etiquette.”

“Perhaps we should just be glad he didn’t start gnawing on the Bill of Rights,” one lawyer joked. “We’d have a real constitutional crisis on our hands.”

In the aftermath, several political commentators and snack enthusiasts have already launched humorous social media hashtags, including #ChewingTheConstitution and #SnackGate, which have quickly gone viral. Some are calling for a new snack line called “Constitution Crunch”—a patriotic snack with a “bite of history.”

Despite the incident, Trump remains unfazed, and has even joked about starting a new diet called the “Founding Fathers Fast,” where all meals are based on the documents that shaped America. He reportedly plans to serve a full-course meal inspired by the Bill of Rights for his next political rally.

As for the Constitution, a spokesperson for the National Archives assured the public that the document has been restored to its original condition, though some pages may have a slight “crisp” texture to them.